And Also With You

I’m sure you all are confused about the title. If not, you are part of my nerd tribe. Welcome.

May it be with you always!

Your Attention Please

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I really don’t have anything to say that you need to hear.

The Day After

Most of you know what 4/20 stands for. However, less well known is that 4/21 is National restock the snack and chips isles in Walmarts and convenience stores worldwide.

Those Darn Squirrels!

Brighter Days

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. Unfortunately, the squirrels liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

This was copied and pasted (with some editing) from The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Facebook group page.

Pass the Salt

Mwaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Mwaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Mwaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Mwaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Mwaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Mwaaaaahahahahahahahaha!

Bruce? Bruce Who?

I don’t care what Bruce Willis says about “Die Hard.” Until Alan Rickman comes out and says it’s not a Christmas Movie, it’s a Christmas Movie.

Funny

Crying a river?

Build a bridge.

Get over it.

Just don’t burn the damn thing after you’ve crossed it.