Nor do I play one on TV or in blogs………

Oh, wait. I already did that joke. Sorry.

Anyway, I’ll not be wearing green or talking in an accent, or otherwise making an effort to celebrate a heritage to which I’ve no claim in the foreseeable future.

Yes, I understand that means I won’t be asking people to kiss me. Seriously, why would I want complete strangers to kiss me? Have you not seen what people eat? And what they say?

Right. Not happening.